MasterChef Australia Recap Rants

Mystery box day – everyone lifts their lids and reveals that that all have different ingredients and a card saying 10 mins. It is a Barter Box – they can trade ingredients with each other – the time card can be used as a deal sweetener – and they have to use all 4 ingredients that they end up with.  Skills in an outdated form of commerce that has been mostly useless since a few thousand years, surely must add much value to chefs. Sure. It’s a fun challenge but totally pointless.   Anyway, Tommy and Linda make an easy swap on vinegar and crab. Elise is using negotiation techniques she has learnt in law school and being a total asshole about getting the best deal for her ingredients. She wants to squeeze the 10 mins out of Tommy for the fish sauce – super racist.   Justin it seems has completely misunderstood the point of this exercise and has exchanged 2 ingredients he didn’t want for another 2 ingredients he didn’t want with Aaron. He desperately wants some protein but instead

Contestants walk in for the pressure test today to Mel making weird wolf noises. She introduces the chef who will bring the dish for today - Khanh Nguyen from Sunda. Tommy and Depinder seem insanely excited about the torture that is about to follow.  Andy tries to make small talk with Khanh who is not interested and frankly offended that the only person close to his stature i.e. Jock is not engaging with him. He cuts straight to the chase and says “can I show the dish now?”. They have to make his insanely good looking Pork Wellington with a lattice crackling and flavours of bahn mi. Tommy’s excitement levels are through the roof – while Maja is pretty certain she is going home today.   Pete is trying to see how many layers there are for some reason – while standing 10 feet away – when they are anyway going to get a piece to try on their plate. Depinder also is a bit too excited to try a dish that could potentially send her home. Khanh says this is not even on the menu at Su

 Today we have a team challenge. This is a Deliveroo pop up menu challenge – each team has to prepare 60 serves of food – each containing a starter, a main dish and a side dish. The teams are: Green Team – Kishwar, Aaron,   Justin, and Minoli Orange Team – Scott,   Sabina,   Linda, and Elise Purple Team – Pete, Depinder, Maja, and Tommy   The Orange team is going with a Thai style menu since most of them are familiar with the flavours. Linda has suggested doing fish cakes – which now itself I can tell is going to be a massive failure because who the fuck is going to fillet that much fish for 60 plates of fish cakes?? The Green team has 3 people who can cook nothing at all except for curry, and Aaron – so they are building their entire menu around Sri Lankan flavours. Aaron has been given the job of captain so that he can stay as far away from the cooking as possible.   The Purple team has chosen Maja as captain. They are going Indian because they have Depinder in the te

Today is the weekly all in elimination. Once again they are entering the kitchen saying “Back in this glorious garden” as if its something new and totally surprising.   This is one complicated elimination – there are 2 rounds. For the first one, you will be paired up with another person   - and have to cook head to head. All the losers to the next round. But there is another complication, they get a total of 90 mins for both cooks – so whatever time you have left after the first one – that’s how much you get for the second one.   So for round 1 we have - Scott vs Justin, Brent vs Minoli, Elise vs Pete, Depinder vs Maja (poor Maja), Linda vs Aaron, and Sabina vs Kishwar.   They are all super nervous and stressed AF.   The judges say things like you will not know what the other person is cooking or how much time they have used. Andy and Mel will get excited and ruin this for sure. They all head to the pantry together and everyone can totally see what everyone else is cooking lol.

Today we have an immunity challenge  - the 4 contestants Linda, Kishwar, Tommy and Depinder are walking towards Kate Reid’s Lune Croissanterie.  The judges make small talk with Jock asking Tommy his pastry skills (Tommy says negative 10) and Andy says Kishwar is looking to show her pastry skills (She corrects him saying “Sweets” because when South Asians say “Sweets” we mean “SWEET!” and take that very literally thank you very much)   Jock says Lune makes the best croissants in the world – all French and Austrian viewers are currently throwing stuff at the TV.   Kate Reid has had an insane life – she is an aerospace engineering grad and works in F1. She is now automatically the most awesome person in this kitchen.   Mel explains that they have no faith whatsoever in the contestants – and that they will be given the shaped proofed item and they just have to bake it. Even they could not screw this up.     The contestants have to use it in a dish that might feature on the menu o

  The contestants are walking at some high up location in central Melbourne. They come to see the judges standing with one single mystery box. Mel has started off by given a super long speech about Melbourne. Andy now reveals the Mystery box – which has a phone and a map. They have to go out into the city, somehow experience the urban culture that the whole city of Melbourne has to offer in a few hours, take a photo and make a dish inspired by that photo. Now they all get their *Samsung Galaxy* phones and head off. Product placement and all is fine, but this seems a bit much. This is arguably the most random and vague challenge they’ve ever set. Any photo can be interpreted as anything – so basically the contestants will just cook whatever the hell they want. Depinder who has caught on to this and has already decided what she wants to cook – says “this is one of the best challenges so far”. Either that or she has not realized just how random this challenge could get. Tommy ha

  For some reason, there is another elimination today. Poor Minoli has to go through 2 eliminations in her first 3 cooks back in this competition. Sabina is the only one who seems deliriously happy today.   Today they are in the middle of nowhere on Alla Wolf Tasker’s property.   They have to cook a vegetarian dish – using the ingredients available in the farm with a few extra local ingredients. No big open pantry today.   Alla says it’s going to be challenging – because they have to actually know what to take and what to leave, it is not like going to a shop. Andy’s excitement has gotten the better of him and he’s started his weird exaggerated clapping even before announcing the time has started.   Amir is struggling on how to make a vegetarian dish since he is used to using meat in all his dishes. Linda is worried because she has no Asian ingredients that she usually uses like lemongrass, galangal, ginger, fish sauce etc. Though I feel her main complaint is that she can’t m

  The contestants seem to be by the seaside and today’s challenge seems to be all about crayfish. Andy is already putting pressure on Sabina which means she is bound to mess things up today. Before they begin, Jock is going to teach everyone how to break down a crayfish. He shows everyone new and disgusting parts of the crayfish they never knew existed. For some reason he finds all these parts beautiful – like lobster tripe – which looks like solidified puke.   Anyway, they will compete in teams of 2 and have to make 2 dishes. One has to be familiar and one has to be inventive. This could be interesting. The bottom 2 teams go to elimination tomorrow. ANOTHER elimination? WTF?   Minoli is excited she’s teamed up with Sabina i.e. the best fish cook here. What could go wrong?   Amir seems super excited and is running towards the pantry yelling “winning” for some reason.   Amir is making pasta, and tripe salad with the ovaries as vinaigrette. Linda is teamed up with him and is