MasterChef Australia - S13E47 - Self Written Pressure Test

Today is one of those idiotic challenges where the participants have to write their own pressure test. In other words, they have to decide and cook a dish like in any other challenge. No one ever checks whether they actually stick to the recipes or not – Harry last year added stuff to his dish. He was promptly eliminated – but that was because his dish was crap and not because he cheated.

Minoli says it’s the strangest thing to put yourself under time pressure – acknowledging how stupid this idea is.

Kishwar, who has made exactly one dessert on the competition so far, says she has “not put up too many desserts in the competition”.  She says she has written a dessert that plays to the flavours she knows really well – which means we all know she is going to do some rosewater, malai type stuff.

Andy tells them NOW to think about all the pressure test dishes they’ve seen so far – and that they need to get that same wow feeling when they see their dish. Surely you should have told them this BEFORE they wrote out their recipes you idiot.  

Judges say they will not be watching a single moment of the thing today – don’t know what the fuck they do this for – they could easily just be there. But on the other hand, it is good for everyone if the judges are not in the room.

Justin is visibly delirious with joy – because he doesn’t have to deal with any stupidity from the judges this cook.

Unlike last time, where they basically asked the gantry to play the police, they have bothered to get someone proper to manage the cook. And they get – not just anyone – but Darren Purchese.

Finally an actual celeb the contestants get to meet.

Jock asks Darren for tips on how to use Vanilla – again NOW after they have written their recipes already and cannot use anything he tells them. Justin is having some NSFW feelings about Darren and wants to … milk him.

Again, Jock tells the brief that vanilla has to be prominent NOW – after they have already acted on yesterday’s brief. I think these idiot judges need to look up the word “feature” and what that means – because it sure as fuck does not imply “prominent presence”.

Jock again puts hyperbole and says immunity has never been more valuable – because there have never been immunity challenges beyond top 10 before. Sure buddy.  

Anyway, finally lets get to the cooking.

Tommy is making a flanilla – vanilla flan. He explains that this dish is just a dish he would make in any other challenge and is not “a wow dish”.  He is super thrilled at his dad joke punny name of the dish. But more importantly he has successfully gamed the system by walking through its massive loophole – that you can just make whatever you want.

Minoli, on the other hand, has made this the hardest thing she can think of. What a dumass. She is doing a proper puff pastry for her Pineapple tarte tatin. Darren, a global pastry legend, is telling her that a proper puff pastry is extremely tough in the time she has – but she is used to hearing stupid platitudes from Andy and Mel – so she instinctively ignores Darren’s advice and cracks on with this stupid idea.

Justin is making a beetroot and vanilla mousse – which will be  cube and that will be coated with chocolate and wrapped in isomalt cellophane. Okay this does seem like a proper pressure test – lots of nice layers, this may actually turn out to be amazing. Darren, who knows how stupid the judges are,  questions if there is enough vanilla in Justin’s dish.

Kishwar is making “rosewater ice” which she explains to Depinder is essentially barf ka gola HAHAHAHAHA. She is making vanilla and pepper kulfi (which I am not going to lie, sounds disgusting) with a pistachio sable with some designs and stuff.

Minoli has predictably fucked up on timings – she has spent way too much time on pineapple and not enough time for the pastry.  She has 90 mins to go – and needs to do the whole puff pastry process in the next 20 mins as she needs 1:10 in the oven for the pastry to cook.

Darren is now on the gantry asking the others which ones they would eat –  Scott would eat Linda’s lotus pond, Depinder would go with either Linda or Tommy and Pete says Justin because they are best friends. Everyone is universally worried about Minoli’s Tarte Tatin, and no one cares what Kishwar is making.  

 Tommy is still elated with his dad joke and the name Flanilla. He then proceeds to give the longest mid-cook description of any dish ever given in this kitchen. He is half judging the dish itself. I’m loving how enthu he is about this.

Minoli thinks the fact that her pineapple is nicely arranged is a good wow factor. You know as opposed to her pastry being actually cooked. 

Linda’s lotus cookies look amazing – but she tastes the dish together and the whole dish is wrong, it is out of balance and she is thinking how to fix that. Multiple people on the gantry are asking her stupid questions – and she is like STFU I need to concentrate on this dish.

Now even Darren is done with Tommy’s talking about his dish and runs away – just as Tommy tries to show off one of his elements.

Linda is now making a coconut and lime granita to balance out the sweetness in the dish. Linda has made granita with liquid nitrogen

As expected, Minoli is in Poh mode staring at her oven in despair.

Depinder’s brief for the day seems to be to periodically ask the contestants what they are doing now.  

Justin is saying it would be helpful if the gantry sung a song as this would soothe him. Props for trolling the entire gantry while cooking. His mousse has come out really nicely. Now he is making the isomalt cellophane – but it keeps breaking. He is regretting writing his recipe like this – as if anyone is going to check lol.

Tommy is about to flip over his flan – it is perfect. Darren says fantastic. Side note: Damn Darren Purchese is so much better than all the judges – why why why didn’t he come on instead of these idiots. 

Minoli has flipped her tarte Tatin – it seems to have worked.  

Linda’s dish looks brilliant  and even Justin’s cellophane has worked perfectly.

Status quo around no-one caring about what Kishwar is making continues.

Tasting:

Linda – Lotus Flower Pond -  Jock says looks pretty impressive. Mel says whoever made this put a lot of thought into this. Andy says he wasn’t expecting that – which is either idiotic because he has no idea who cooked it, or supremely idiotic because he did and they weren’t supposed to give this away.  

In order to save the faux pas, Mel says it seems clearly to be South East Asian flavours and Jock says he wonders who cooked this.

Minoli - Pineapple Tarte tatin – they all go wow as soon as the cloche is taken off. But as soon as they start eating -  Jock goes “Oh no” – and Andy who has been stuffing himself till now realizes something is wrong and also echos “oh no”. The pastry is raw – Jock says it’s not even close, nowhere near cooked.

Justin – He’s called this The Gift. Some 3 minutes later, Jock has just realized why it is called that. Jock says he cannot believe this dish and how good it is. Says it is a fantastic dessert. But it doesn’t hero vanilla – which means Tommy’s super simple dish will probably get the nod over this one.  Idiotic, idiotic rules. 

Kishwar says for the 600^th time this episode that she wants the judges to taste the flavours of Persia. It is super obvious who has cooked this. Mel says the presentation felt like a celebration on the plate.  But as with every other non-bengalli curry dish Kishwar has made this competition, the actual food is not good. Mel says the kulfi was grainy and icy – as if she has any clue what Kulfi is supposed to be like.

Jock’s biggest problem seems to be that he is losing the vanilla.

Tommy’s plan has worked perfectly. Mel is talking about all the textures she is seeing, Andy tells her to shut up and starts stuffing his face. He says it was fun to eat – he felt childlike (y’know as opposed to his usual highly considered, mature behaviour). Anyway, the dish was delicious. Jock says “Wow what a dessert” making it clear who is winning.

Results :

As expected, Linda and Tommy go to the immunity cook.