MasterChef Australia S13E01 - The Auditions

 The auditions have always been the most boring part of Masterchef for me – and this year was no exception. In fact the only reason I even watched it was to be able to write this post.

As usual we start with a ton of spoilers that make this episode totally unnecessary. We get in depth views from Elise and Therese (I wonder if they will be eliminated and sent home in this episode …hmm) as well as clips from future episodes which tell us pretty much everyone who makes it to the 24.

Jock comes on to say that this year we are looking for spark – saying that it is all you need in the MasterChef kitchen. Which of course is patently false and you need a lot more than that to survive even one cook – y’know like cooking skills for instance.

Andy says that the contestants learn every second in the competition and that makes this competition unique. This is a promising start – maybe he will continue to make sense through this season.  (Narrator: He won’t.)

Mel says food is her love language which is why she totally ignores it and gets to know the participants and judges them for their personalities. 

The judges enter with Jock randomly yelling and Mel laughing for no reason. Just as you thought they might have learnt from last year.  Mel talks some serious stuff about COVID and Andy’s insecurity gets the better of him and he reminds everyone that he has won MasterChef.

Jock explains how the competition works – win the competition, get your hands on the trophy – and asks the contestants to bring the judges their signature dish.

First we meet Brent – a 31 year old boilermaker – who is cooking some lamb shanks. Mel says she is falling in love with him already – and I don’t blame her because that is one glorious beard. The judges love his rustic food – and Jock and Andy praise his flavours. We are in danger of Mel actually giving a proper food opinion but she wants to give him the apron because of his ‘desire for this’.  In fairness, I can’t judge too much because I would have given him the apron just for the glorious beard.

Therese next – who makes an insane mushroom dish. Jock learns a new term – big data. Mel actually gives an opinion on the food. Andy wants to stalk her on Instagram, pun intended (sue me). She well of course gets the apron.

We meet Scott who makes choux pastry and Depinder who makes ghevar (Indian honeycomb lol). Both get aprons. It’s nice to see an Indian contestant who is not a caricature for a change. 

Now Tommy who is making congee. I personally would throw this guy out for basically making sick people food like congee when he could have made any of the million Vietnamese dishes which are better than congee. I don’t like congee in case you haven’t guessed it yet. Anyway, the judges like the food, and he gets an apron.

Moving on -  Justin makes a chicken breast dish, Andy calls him and himself dumb, and Justin gets an apron.  Jess and a few others win aprons.

Next we have Ben from Sydney. He is one of those people you can tell is a tool just by looking at his extremely punchable face[1]. He makes some terrible dessert despite it not being his strength. The judges tell him politely that it is terrible and that he should have played to his strengths. He proves he is a tool by putting some random arrogance about expecting credit for how he could have cooked something easier but chose to make this garbage pile instead.

A bunch of cooks make their stuff in quick succession – who are asked to come tomorrow. Elise, Wynona and Conor.

Tom, a law clerk, plans to stand out by letting his food do the talking. You know, as opposed to everyone else who are bribing the judges.  Later he puts up a great dish and also confesses to being a massive nerd.

A few more boring contestants get aprons.

We now meet Kishwar – a lady from Bangladesh – who tells her entire life story and then cooks a homely curry. TLDR – there is a lot of crying and she gets the apron.

Trent, Sabina, Amir all get aprons.

Finally, we meet Minoli – who makes 3 Sri Lankan curries. She has such an amazing life story, that I want her to do well regardless of how she cooks - so no jokes here.

That’s the 19 aprons given away – and now in the next episode, the remaining 16 will play for the last 5 aprons.

And so ends the most boring 1 hour, 28 minutes of my life. How do you guys watch this shit?

 

 

---

[1] My exact first thought was  “Shakal se hi chutiya lagta hain”