Here we go with the second cook in “Beat the Brigade week”.
Today Movida will be cooking and they will be cooking at
Movida. This seems supremely unfair to the participants – it’s not enough that
they are up against professional chefs but have to cooks in their backyard too.
It’s particularly bad because 2 teams will get to cook in familiar surroundings
(HUGE advantage) and the other 2 won’t.
Frank Camorra is still pissed about losing to Marion in S2
and has brought his best chefs – Andreas, Kane and Lily. He’s probably taking
this a bit too seriously.
Using same token system as the last episode, Jess, Scott,
Tommy, and Dan are cooking. Again they have to cook a 3 course meal for 20
diners and the judges.
This time they get a choice of ingredients. They go to Andy
for the toss – and Andy is surprisingly honest as he says this is his only
value add for the episode.
The toss once again is won by the contestants – they will
choose the ingredient for 2 courses.
They choose Lemongrass for the entrée – Tommy seems to be
super confident about this.
Now Movida’s turn to pick. They are super competitive and
choose Jerusalem artichoke for the main because they think the home cooks will
have trouble cooking with this random ingredient. Time will tell that they are
absolutely right and this is a great move.
The contestants choose kumquats as their element for dessert.
Jess is the captain today and says she loves teamwork. Their strategy is to play to their strengths.
So Tommy is doing a Vietnamese dish for the entrée – a beef carpaccio with nuoc
cham and lemongrass oil. Scott is doing a kumquat sorbet for dessert. But the
strategy falls apart because Dan is cooking at all – he is the pork master it
seems. His plan is to make a salt crusted pork belly and everything else will
be Jerusalem Artichoke. There is the small matter that they have absolutely no
clue what they are doing with the artichoke.
Movida are being smart and want to do versions of the dishes
they already have on their menus with the ingredients mentioned. They never use
lemongrass in their restaurant but have to make something now. So they are
doing a scallops crudo with lemongrass soaked tapioca and lemongrass oil. Their
main is a whole quail with Jerusalem artichoke puree and chips. Their dessert is a white chocolate yoghurt
ganache with a kumquat sorbet and a sherry granita.
Tommy says he loves the flavour of lemongrass and beef together.
He is confident about this dish. Which typically means he is going to fuck this
up.
Mel seems to have has outsourced bothering the cooks to Kishwar
who is now at the Movida bench asking inane questions.
Jess and Dan are still thinking about how to use the
Jerusalem Artichokes which is really the whole point of this cook. Andy comes
over and helpfully tells them that Jerusalem Artichoke is very versatile – so
their failure is even more monumental - it’s not like they are not using the
ingredient in the one way it can be used, but are failing to use it in the
many, many ways it can be used. Dan the
Pork Master’s confidence level takes a hit and now he has dropped his
expectations to simply putting something on the plate.
Andy says they need to hero the ingredients – but of course
they have not told this to Movida at all – because none of their dishes seem to
hero-ing the ingredients. They are just focusing on making good dishes that
feature the ingredients.
Now Kishwar has passed the baton to Elise and Tom who are
now bothering Frank. Elise tells Frank exactly why Tonka lost and what they
should do to win. This is a total dick move from the perspective of the team
competing today because she has basically taken away their one, small chance to
win.
Dan the Pork Master, who has still no idea what to do with
the Artichoke is being useless and making sexist comments saying Jess “sounds
like a mum”. She says “that’s what I am buddy” basically telling him he is an
idiot child who is singularly going to take them to elimination.
Movida cooks Andreas, Kane and Lily are scared that Frank is
here cooking with them – he has apparently told them in the hotel room earlier
that losing is not an option. Surely this level of competitiveness seems over
the top.
Dan the Pork master has now given up and Jess has come over
to help him with the artichoke. He tried to mash them like a potato and this is
such a monumentally stupid move that Mel of all people has come over to inform
them that the artichoke is not a potato.
Dan and Jess agree that the artichoke is not a potato and
Dan’s profound observation is that with around 20 mins to go they need to think
quick because he has done no thinking at all for the last 2 hours and 10 mins.
Mel says yes they do need to think quick and then talks for 2 minutes about
nothing at all.
My favourite moment of the episode is when Andy informs
everyone that the diners are coming and there are 15 mins to go – they zoom in
on Lily’s face as she makes a funny expression as if to say “Bro, we work in a
restaurant, diners coming in is not remotely scary at all, what is your point?”
Tommy’s entrée doesn’t have enough lemongrass – and now he
takes over from Dan as the bad -idea machine for this group and suggests he
will change the dish entirely …..now…..with 15 mins to go. He says it will take
2 minutes if they do pipis with lemongrass.
In fairness, the judges did appreciate a ball of fried
chickpea made in 6 minutes, so he may have been on to something there. But Jess
has decided to be an adult here and told him to shut to fuck up, get back to
his dish and fix it.
Tommy says he understands why Jess didn’t go with his
incredibly stupid idea ….. “There wasn’t enough time”. Sigh. Self awareness
king only.
Entrée tasting:
Movida - Scallops
with Lemongrass and Gazpacho - Jock says
what a beautiful dish. Gazpacho was well balanced. Andy says its zingy with
lemongrass. Mel says masterful cooking – making the dish harmonious was a great
achievement because how can professional chefs cook things they have not cooked
before.
Contestants -
Lemongrass Beef Carpaccio - Andy
thought it was delicious. Mel also liked that take on modern Vietnamese
cuisine. Jock also loved it. But this dish will lose because they have not “heroed”
the lemongrass. Why on earth would anyone want to hero lemongrass when beef is
available?
Back in the kitchen, Dan the Pork Master has, as expected,
fucked up his pork. He has burnt the pork belly. Now they are having to cut out
the bad stuff and take the bits that work. Apparently the few, small sad pieces
that Dan has not fucked up are tasting good.
Now they are rationalizing this turn of events as this makes their dish
more Jerusalem artichoke-y now that they have to put less pork on the dish. Bro
you should have focused on Jerusalem Artichokes in the first place!
Dan the pork master feels the pressure on him. I wonder why that
might be.
Mains tasting:
Movida - Woodfire
Roasted Quail and Jerusalem Artichoke – Andy says that should be on the menu
and that it reeks of Jerusalem artichoke. Reeks – is this meant to be a
compliment? He clearly doesn’t know what that word means. Jock says he cannot
ask for anything more.
Contestants – Andy says his pork was beautiful, but Jock’s
pork was terrible. Jock likes the artichoke chips and Mel says the puree
doesn’t taste like artichoke at all. They all agree pork was a terrible choice
for protein. Slow claps for Dan the pork
master.
Dessert tasting:
Movida – Jock says everything is great and that it is a very
clever dish. Andy however says there is
a door open for the contestants because even this dish is insanely good-looking
and great tasting - it does hero kumquat enough. So just tasting great and
being perfectly balanced is not enough.
Contestants – They
have added literal pieces of kumquat on it. Unsurprisingly Jock says every
mouthful was kumquat. Andu says it reeks of kumquat. Mel says its right
up her alley in terms of flavours. Maybe the contestants have won this round as
consolation as they have definitely lost the other two.
Final Results
Movida wins the entrée and the main. Dan continues his
stellar record of taking his team into elimination every time he cooks.
And now they end the episode? Hello? What about the dessert?
At least tell the contestants that they did a good job and you liked the dish.
The one positive for the contestants on the episode and you don’t even mention
it? WTF.
Sigh anyway – the team from Lucy Liu competes next. See you
then.
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